He Loves You, But He’s Not “In Love With You”

Written by Christian Carter |  8 Comments

Has a man ever said to you, “I love you, but I’m just not IN LOVE with you anymore. I’m sorry but it’s over”…

And then told you it’s because he just doesn’t “feel it” for you anymore?

Or how he just isn’t in the right place to go on in a relationship? “It’s not you, it’s me.”

It’s like all of a sudden the most special person in your life changed his mind about you and decided everything you have together was worth nothing to him.

How and why do men change their minds so quickly?

What often makes this situation worse is that a man will do most of the following: A) Show little or no signs of what he’s feeling, or that things have changed for him B) Avoid trying to talk with you about it or “work it out” C) Not give you any warning until he breaks up with you, so it completely blind-sides you D) Act as though for your relationship to end, it’s as simple as him letting you know that it’s over for him E) Not have any other “real” reason for his change of heart, other than he just doesn’t want a relationship, or he doesn’t “feel it” for you anymore and he wants to leave

Recognize any of these?

Unfortunately, if you’re like most women, you know all too well what I’m talking about here. And you know exactly how these things happen and feel. Let me be very direct with you about something…

If you’re one of the very small percentage of women who understand why this happens with men, and what to do about it… don’t worry about reading the rest of this post.

This post won’t be a good use of time for you if you’re a woman like this.


If you AREN’T one of these few women, and you’ve not only been left by a man on a moment’s notice for reasons you could never understand, then I’m going to assume you’re still reading and with me because you’d like to learn a few things… Most importantly, I’m guessing you’d like to learn about-

-WHY men feel this way and what it really means

-WHAT you might have done to bring this about, if anything

-HOW to move past this unfortunately common problem with a man quickly, and avoid it in the future

Still with me?

Good. Because I’m going to help you start seeing things from a new perspective… and allow you to create a better situation for yourself now and in the future.


If you’ve been in a relationship or two with a man that didn’t end well, then there’s something important I’m sure you’ve already learned- That men can be close to you, share love and affection… and then quickly turn away or leave all together for what seems like no good reason at all. As much as this seems to be completely bizarre, unexplainable, and ridiculous, it’s not. Let me shed some light on what’s going on here with men to save you a lot of time, heartache and frustration…

Men who get into relationships and commit with women DON’T change their minds suddenly about whether or not they want to be with a woman. Although it sure seems this way to a lot of women who’s relationships fall apart. The truth is, when a woman is caught COMPLETELY OFF-GUARD when she learns a man’s feelings and desire to be with her has changed… it’s often because she wasn’t at all AWARE of the way her own thinking and behavior was slowly but surely changing his feelings. Now, hearing this might piss you off a little. You might either feel pissed at me for saying this, or you might really feel pissed at your past relationship and the man in it for not appreciating you and abandoning you. I understand. But don’t let it keep you from LEARNING and GROWING. I get that men can do some pretty crappy things… and handle them in even crappier ways with you. But there’s a harsh reality to face… Unless you want to keep repeating the same mistakes in your life, and re-living the same painful situations with men…

You’re going to have to forget about what it is that a man might think or do that is beyond your control. And you’re going to have to, as much as it might seem scary or too much work for you, start focusing on what it is you CAN CONTROL- your own thinking and behavior.

Let me be CRYSTAL CLEAR about this- Why does a man fall “out of love” and leave a woman that he loves? Because he CHOOSES TO.

Because the EXPERIENCES he has with a woman tell him on an EMOTIONAL LEVEL that not being with her is what is best for him. It’s really that simple if you boil it all down. Of course, truly understanding and accepting this cold-hard fact is a whole different story. TONS of women literally spend their entire lives upset and frustrated with trying to figure out why men do the things they do, or feel the things they feel, only to end up back in the same place again and again – abandoned, loveless and alone.

And with all that pain and frustration, it makes sense that they’re never really able to STOP WORRYING so much about him and why things are happening the way they are… instead of starting to DO and SAY the things that will actually make him feel like being with them and staying with them on an EMOTIONAL LEVEL in the first place.

Starting to follow me here? Good.

Sometimes what seems impossibly complex and illogical to understand can, instead of being analyzed and explained, simply have a “shift” take place around it where things quickly change. Here’s something you need to know… One of the first things most women who experience a man leaving or “falling out of love” with them is to either: A) Quickly turn against the man and tell themselves he was never even CAPABLE of loving someone else the way they love him, and close themselves off B) Try to deny or dispute the fact that the man is now feeling the way he feels by trying to make sense of it and find out what they think is the “real reason”… and then argue against his feelings to try and change his mind C) Become incredibly upset and either explode in pain or anger to him… or they become sad and try to get him back by hoping he’ll see how devastated they are and take pity on them and take them back

Now, see anything interesting about men, about yourself, and about how communication works from reading these 3 responses?

Here’s a hint- What do all these have in common when it comes to addressing any of the “real problems” that might be going on, and why a man might want to leave? They are all 100% COUNTERPRODUCTIVE. In other words, they not only don’t help with men. Doing these things actually makes things a whole lot worse.

Translation – the man who was already feeling like he didn’t want to spend more time with you ends up feeling like being around you is worse than he thought before.

And you can almost hear the last nail being hammered into your relationship coffin. Yikes.

Over the last several years helping women become more happy and successful with men, dating and relationships… I’ve learned something from a question women ask me all the time.

Thousands of women have asked me something along the lines of- “I did this, and then this happened, and then he felt this and said this, and now things are bad or over. Can I fix this? Or is it too late?” Want to know the answer? It’s not too late. Unless you happened to murder the man you love.

Why isn’t it too late? Even though I don’t know every detail about every relationship? Well, to make a long story short, humans have an amazing ability to CHANGE and ADAPT. Which means…

If you know how to start interacting with a man in a way that starts to “engage” him in a positive way emotionally… and you know how to create feelings of ATTRACTION and DESIRE within him, then things can change for the better VERY QUICKLY. It also means, more importantly for you, that YOU TOO can learn, grow, and adapt. Even if you weren’t in the best place personally and emotionally in the past with a man… and some of the things you did pushed him away and made him feel anxious, unhappy, irritated, and generally UNATTRACTED and UNINTERESTED while he was around you… you too can do something about this. You can actually learn and grow and show him the person you’ve probably been all along inside, but he couldn’t see or enjoy or get close to because of all the uncertain and fearful emotions that were in the way. You can take steps to become your “best self”, and do it more quickly than most other women think is possible.

Most women end up not pushing men away because they want to… but because their intense desire to be close and connected and share love with a man somehow wraps them up in negative patterns in their own mind. The sure-fire way to avoid having the thinking and behavior that comes naturally to you in your relationship with a man get in your way is to actually get to the source of everything. Learning what to say, and when is great, but it’s not going to help you if the way you FEEL inside keeps working against you. If you ever find yourself going “off the deep end” emotionally with a man, and then regretting it and knowing that it not only made the situation worse… but was probably changing the way he saw you and judged you, then don’t sit back and let things slip away because you think there’s nothing you can do about it.

If you have the right outfit on, it might attract a man, or catch his interest. But you know that LOVE and a real relationship goes MUCH MUCH DEEPER.

If you know some of the right things to say, or you’re smart and intelligent, you can probably outsmart a man and figure out all these “issues” and call him on them.

But you know that just being able to spot these things IN HIM isn’t going to make your relationship work FOR HIM.

If you’d like to have a great guy in your life and have him treat you well… but somewhere in the back of your mind you don’t really feel great about yourself, the current state of your life and love life, and you’re negative and pessimistic because you don’t really BELIEVE that good things happen to you, then it’s going to affect you in a subtle but significant way when you are close with a man.

If you want to have a great relationship with a great guy… then you’re likely going to find and meet a guy and be able to tell him what kind of relationship you really want.

But if you don’t know how to get HIM interested in the kind of relationship you want… and you don’t know how to find out what it is that he really wants and values deep down inside, then it’s going to be impossible to ever really have something REAL and LASTING. Most women think that if they can get some understanding about the words, the actions, and the emotions that take place between them and a man that they can figure out how to make things work and love will come together.

The truth is that WORDS, ACTIONS, and EMOTIONS are really just the things that are on the SURFACE between a man and a woman. If you don’t know what’s going on beneath the surface, then you’re not going to be able to get to the “essence” of what’s really going on inside a man… or what’s going on inside yourself and how it must make a man feel when he’s with you.

There’s a deeper level.

A deeper level that can bring the AWARENESS and CONSCIOUSNESS you need about yourself, and about what’s going on inside a man.

Let me suggest something to you here…

Isn’t it possible that a man, just like you, can either feel attracted to you, or not feel attracted to you, because of that “something else” about you that he couldn’t put his finger on if you asked him? And above and beyond ATTRACTION… can’t a man, just like you, feel like you’re either the one person he wants to be with, or not? The answer here is YES… a man can feel this way.

And NO… there’s nothing you can possibly ever think of to say or do with a man that will change his mind or his feelings right then and there. But most women try to anyways.

If you’re ready to leave your old fears, your past failed relationships, and your old negative and destructive thought patterns behind… And you’ve made the decision to become your “best self” for the sake of your own happiness and your relationship with a man, then the good news is that I can help.

You don’t have to stand by and watch your own negative thoughts, feelings, and actions work against you in your love life.
If you haven’t read my eBook Catch Him & Keep Him, it’s a must read and the best place to get started with all my material. You can download a free trial copy to your computer in just a minute or two and be on your way to a better love life or relationship in no time.

Get your copy here: http://dating-advice-for-women.net/catchhimandkeephim/

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Christian Carter is a leading advisor to women on dating, relationships, connection and love. An expert in psychology, communication and behavior, Christian Carter has developed foundational concepts that help women understand men, dating and relationships. Visit Christian's official website, by clicking here.


  1. Jimmy says:

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Some Didn\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'t Like This Comment! Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 4

  2. Jimmy says:

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Some Didn\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'t Like This Comment! Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 3

  3. Jon says:

    Jimmy is a moron that is probably 13 and knows nothing about women except from what he sees from porn. Women need to remember that it is all to easy to become complacent in a relationship and when that becomes a habit, the attraction will die.

    People Liked This Comment! Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

  4. Ishaara says:

    Jimmy, if you are not a homosexual, then you need to become one.

    You probably compulsively masturbate!

    Like or Dislike This Comment? Thumb up 2 Thumb down 2

  5. Vicky says:

    This is all so true..through previous relationships i know pestering the man after a break up drives them away. But just accepting it and going back to how you used to act, helps the situation and makes your ex realise what it is in you that he fell in love with.

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  6. Jxxxxx says:

    You do not need some guidebook to recover. Let me say this. It happens to men also. Everyone is different. Time is the only thing that helps. Each person will find something unique to do that assists them in rebuilding themselves.

    The quicker you are able to get back feeling good about yourself, the better you will be. Avoid thinking of the person. They have given up on you, so give up on them. It is not harsh, it is survival.

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  7. 3s says:

    Some good points, tho i believe the main one here is: don’t expect your love to change if you’re not willing to.

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  8. giana says:

    hi everyone

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