Fear Of “Opening Up” Keeping You Single?

Written by Christian Carter |  No Comment

“I’ve got a couple of important questions I want to ask you about how men really think.

See if you know the answers.

Here goes…

Are men “intimidated” by strong women who are more independent than others?

And is it really true that men don’t like women who really have their act together, and are scared off because of this?

If you’ve ever felt frustrated that a man DIDN’T want to be with you because you were too strong and independent, then you know what I’m talking about.

Which is why there’s something I’m curious to know…

Have you been really hurt in one of your past relationships?

To the point where it’s hard to trust again and open up again?

I ask because there’s a critical “shift” that takes place when you’ve been hurt that can easily end up working AGAINST YOU in all your other future relationships – even if you really want them to work.”

See… what happens for most women who are hurt and have this “shift” is that in their next relationship, even though the guy they’re with seems great, they feel kind of FLAT and unenthusiastic about him.

It’s like they’re going through the motions and trying to have a relationship… but in their mind they know they should be feeling more because this is such a good guy who’s much more caring and loving than the last.

But still, they don’t feel that deeper connection.

Women in this place in their love lives often say things like…

“I really don’t have room in my life to date or have a relationship anyway.”

Or…

“I’ll be fine with whatever happens with this guy, one way or another.”

Or…

“I don’t really want a real relationship. They’re too much work.”

Any of this ring a bell for you?

OK, so what’s really going on here?

Here’s what I’ve learned over the years-

If a woman is doing and saying these things in her life, then there’s a subtle but powerful kind of FEAR going on inside her-

The fear of being VULNERABLE with a man.

Let me explain…

Just like how it works for a man… if a woman isn’t “open”, and if she isn’t willing to “put herself out there” emotionally, and she thinks it’s easier and “safer” to not be too emotionally involved in her love life… then she’s NOT going to find another CLOSE and LOVING RELATIONSHIP.

This is true for a woman, just as it’s true for a man.

So here’s the reality…

When a woman is afraid of being vulnerable with a man and has fear around letting herself becoming emotionally attached… then a man can’t and won’t end up feeling ATTRACTION to her.

And forget about true and LASTING LOVE.

If a woman can’t be vulnerable and share some of those subtle but deeper parts of herself…then whether she wants them or not, there won’t be any of those emotional “sparks” that bring a man and a woman closer on a physical and emotional level.

So…

If you’re not VULNERABLE with a man because you’re trying to protect your heart and mind… then it’s going to be almost impossible for a man to experience that magic feeling of ATTRACTION with you.

Simply put, he just won’t “feel it” for you.

Instead, he’ll subtly sense that something is off or resistant inside you, and he’ll be turned off.

Of course, most women who have been hurt in the past make the UNCONSCIOUS SHIFT from being emotionally open and vulnerable… to then putting up a “wall” because it feels a whole lot safer to be INVULNERABLE.

They think that the right thing to do now is to wait for the man to “prove himself” before they’ll share much of anything and emotionally “engage”.

Most women think of themselves as being “stronger” or “tougher” or more “independent” and not needing a man when they are in this place in their life.

But how does this work out?

I’ll tell you…

Not well.

If you’re like lots of women like this then here’s what happens…

You date or start a new relationship, and even though you think they’re being “smarter” and “tougher”, your attitude comes off as disinterested or cold to the man.

But you don’t see this part of yourself nd how it’s coming off to a man… so you nd up wondering why men don’t seem to be interested in anything more than “fun”.

Which only adds to the negative view you tart having that “men only want one thing” nd that “guys are jerks”.

And you don’t call the guy much, you make sure to stay unattached to how much time you spend with him, you don’t participate in making plans for dates, and you make your kids or work or anything else the only real prioritites in your life.

But with all this going on, and the conscious decision to stay less involved and not get yourself into another situation where you could get hurt…

You STILL keep seeing him and become more involved and emotionally attached than you can consciously admit to yourself.

And the reason for this is that deep down you still secretly crave and want a loving connection… but you’re trying to tell yourself you’re not attached and that this doesn’t really mean
much to you.

But then it happens…

Even if the man was interested at first and found things he really liked about you… eventually the EMOTIONAL DISTANCE you’ve been keeping between you feels weird and turns the man off.

Or worse…

It drives him away completely.

And so the single life and the unfulfilling cycle of “casual dating” and having things start with a bang and go nowhere starts all over again.

But it doesn’t have to be this way… and it easier than you think to have what you want in your love life, and feel great about it.

So let me ask you…

How do you get to a place where you can start feeling good about dating again?

How do you “crack” that shell of ambivalence and numbness to feel like yourself again and be genuinely excited about love and connecting with a man again?

Because your heart is going to lead you back there anyways… whether you like it or not.

Well, as luck would have it, I’ve recently connected with an amazing woman who went through a similar place in her life where as a result of a painful divorce she was that INVULNERABLE tough woman.

And she admitted to me that she was this way for way too long… and didn’t even know it.

At first she was in that bad mental and emotional state where love, connection, and a great relationship was the very last thing
she thought she would ever want or try for again…

But after time passed, like other women who experience bad break ups or divorce, she struggled trying to recover, make sense of her life again, heal, and get back to a new life after her marriage had ended.

It wasn’t easy.

And every part of her wanted to try and stay in that “protective” place alone where she knew she couldn’t be hurt again.

But then something happened…

After digging deep and learning some amazing life-lessons and specific ways of growing and starting over again… she discovered a set of keys to undo that negative shift that made her put up a wall and act INVULNERABLE.

And she learned exactly what it took to heal, grow, and MAKE THE SPACE in her life for love and happiness again.

Now she’s in the best relationship she’s ever experienced and happier and more fulfilled than she’s ever been.

Do you ever get frustrated about the fact that even though you’re a great woman, being a great person isn’t often what really matters when it comes to men, dating, and getting a great relationship started?

There are TONS of great women out there who deserve a great guy, and a great relationship,but just can’t seem to make things come together.

The thing is…

I can understand how the process of “doing the work” and still not being able to find the right man, let alone get things started and working in a relationship, can be incredibly frustrating.

I’ve thought about women in this situation a lot – women who are smart, attractive, great people who just can’t seem to make things work with men and dating.

And after reading literally hundreds of emails from women and taking a few years to observe what’s really going on… I’ve recognized a specific set of “problems” that keep most women from being lucky or successful when it comes to men, dating… and getting a relationship started that will LAST.

Here are just a few of these specific problems:

- Having no idea where to go to meet quality, attractive single men (or it seems like all the good men are already “taken”)

- Going on “dates” (which they dread in the first place) and having them either go NOWHERE… or having things go great on the date, but the guy never calls or asks you out again

- Seeing a man you’re attracted to, and wishing you knew EXACTLY what to do and say to get his attention without sounding dumb, goofy, or desperate

- Not knowing specific things to ASK a man to figure out very early on whether or not he’s honest, mature, and “into” having a real relationship… without sounding pushy, manipulative or scaring him off

- Never knowing the reason WHY a man stops calling or making plans after one or more dates, when there seemed to be so much “chemistry” at first. (Just knowing WHY could save you from feeling UNECESSARILY bad because you’re wondering about what you did or said wrong)

Any of these sound familiar?

If so, then your life just got a lot easier…

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of
luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Categories : Common Dating Problems

Christian Carter is a leading advisor to women on dating, relationships, connection and love. An expert in psychology, communication and behavior, Christian Carter has developed foundational concepts that help women understand men, dating and relationships. Visit Christian's official website, by clicking here.

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