3 Secrets To “Security” That Prevent Withdrawal

I’ve got a quick and easy “quiz” for you that’s going let you in on your own personal IQ when it comes to men, dating, and relationships.

This simple quiz will show you how and why your relationships haven’t been working in the past with men… and what to do about it.

Here goes…

There are 3 elements that make it so that what you have between you and a man is sure to be LASTING and SECURE.

Do you know what these 3 critical elements are?

I’ll give you a second to think about it.

..

..

Give up?

The 3 critical elements that you MUST HAVE between you and a man if you want a loving, lasting, and secure relationship are:

Element #1 - AN Intense Level Of Attraction

Call it “chemistry”.

Call it a spark.

Call it whatever you like… but if a man doesn’t “feel it” for you when it comes to this magic something of chemistry and attraction… then NOTHING ELSE you say or do will matter.

And I mean NOTHING ELSE matters.

You can try and say all the right things.

You can think about him all the time.

And you can do amazing things for him that no other woman could ever know to do for him in his life…

But if that gut-level ATTRACTION isn’t there that tells him deep down inside that he HAS to be with you tonight and every other night… then there isn’t much you can do to change his mind or make him feel different and really and truly want you.

A man MUST feel a level of attraction for you that goes DEEPER than just the common and “Physical Attraction” a man can experience for a woman that quickly comes and goes, but can seem so “real”.

Unfortunately, lots of women make 2 mistakes when it comes to attraction with men that keep them from ever being able to get past those critical early dating stages where a man will become more emotionally attached and involved with a woman.

These 2 mistakes are:

-Trying to get a man’s interest and attention by using the fast, fun, and easy approach to create “Physical Attraction” inside a man (which never does last)

-Not knowing how that deeper level of what I call “Emotional Attraction” works inside a man’s mind that will make him want to emotionally open up and engage with you

These mistakes are the two most common and certain ways to make sure your love life will go nowhere fast with men… even when you have the best of intentions and just want to find a great guy to love and love you back.

There’s a simple truth you need to know…

If you don’t know how attraction works for a man, and how it works differently than how it works for most women… then you’re going to end up running in circles trying to do what you think will work.

And in your attempts at getting a man to like you and want to be with you… you’re going to end up pushing him away as he sees you as desperate, “needy”, clingy, or just plain overly emotional.

The worst part is, there are a lot of smart women out there who are really great women who actually know on a conscious level about these mistakes… but they just can’t help but make these same mistakes over and over anyway.

But smart women who seem to have a more natural knack for talking to men, getting their interest, and having men see them as “cool” and desirable have a way of being able to AVOID these mistakes and are NEVER seen as desperate, too needy, or generally UNATTRACTIVE when it comes to how they act and feel on an emotional level around men.

Element #2 - “Emotional Engagement”

Do you know what it is that either makes a man open up and be excited to really LISTEN to you and UNDERSTAND what you’re feeling and going through… or shut down when he sees how you’re feeling inside?

And do you know what makes a man see your desire to talk and share your feelings as evidence that you’re emotionally unhealthy and the kind of woman who would only be more trouble and irritation than she’s worth?

Here’s something that might blow your mind…

Did you know that you can say the exact SAME THING to a man at different times, and you’ll get completely different responses from him?

And this isn’t just because of his “mood”.

The reality is that there is one significant thing that makes all the difference in the world when it comes to how a man sees, feels, and RESPONDS to the way you talk and share with him…

And that’s the level to which he is EMOTIONALLY ENGAGED with you when you’re talking.

Let me explain…

One of the most common ways that women end up accidentally causing a man to close off and WITHDRAW from them is when a man doesn’t know about, see, or understand what a women is going through and feeling…

And then the woman gets MORE UPSET and frustrated with him at the fact that he doesn’t seem to see or respond to her, and so SHE closes off.

I know this is something you’ve experienced over and over with men (and made some of the same mistakes again and again in each situation)

Something happens between you and a man, and you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach you just can’t ignore.

You know that something is “off” and not right… and it sends your intuition and your imagination running.

As the flood of emotions hit you, and you FEEL what’s going on throughout your body, you want the man to both see and understand why you would feel this way…

And you want him to UNDERSTAND you and them way that you’re feeling.

Of course, this isn’t at all what most men are going through and their emotional process.

They’re often thinking… “I have NO IDEA why she’s acting this way, or what it’s about, but I don’t like it and it feels awful. What is her problem? And why is she freaking out so much. What a nightmare. I want this to go away.”

Long story short, what started off as a misunderstanding and a situation where you simply didn’t feel good about something in the moment, and you wanted him to see it and respond… turned out to be something that caused a huge DISCONNECT between you two.

And your emotional experiences led both you AND him to feel distant and frustrated with each other in a way that kept you from being able to be close and feel ENGAGED in your feelings together.

Of course, on the other hand, if you know how to COMMUNICATE with a man… and you know how to get him to LISTEN and RESPOND to you in a positive way that shows that he hears and APPRECIATES your feelings…

Then these entire situations actually become moments where you and a man GROW CLOSER and learn more amazing things about each other that build your love and attraction.

Element #3 - “Effortless” Communication

Do you ever sit there and realize that you and a man share less with each other than you probably share with your friends about how you’re both thinking and feeling inside?

Are you ever scared to say what you REALLY think and feel to the man in your life?

And have you ever found out about things that are going on for a man that you’re with and what’s going on in your relationship from someone else who hardly knows him?

Isn’t a man supposed to be closer, more open, and more honest with you than anyone else about what’s going on for him in your relationship with you?

The answer is yes, he is.

You’re supposed to be able to be closer and more open and honest with the man in your life than with anyone else.

But for lots of women it just doesn’t work this way.

Often times you, as the girlfriend, are the VERY LAST person to find out what’s REALLY going on inside the mind of the man you’re with.

And it’s enough to make you want to scream.

Not to mention the embarrassment that you feel realizing that everyone else might have known what was going on with him but you…and they just sat there and watched and said nothing.

It can make you feel like a real fool.

But how is it that other couples, and other women have men and relationships in their lives where the man they’re with can and does tell them ANYTHING and EVERYTHING going on with him first… and shares and confides in them as close and loving partners are supposed to?

Well, I have to be the one to break the bad news to you…

But if you haven’t had this kind of open, honest, and “effortless” communication between you and your man in the past where you can and do tell each other anything…

Or you don’t have it now…

Then guess who’s fault that is?

It’s YOUR FAULT.

Period. End of story.

And this is even more true if you’ve had several relationships in your life where the level of communication you shared was AWFUL, and you found out about all the important things going on inside your man’s mind after the fact.

There’s something I’ve learned in my life that I’ve practiced myself, and that I’ve watched literally hundreds and thousands of women use to turn their love life around almost overnight…

And that’s one simple thing-

Taking 100% PERSONAL RESPONSIBILTY for creating the kind of COMMUNICATION you want and have in your relationship.

Here’s a quick tip-

Communication IS the RESPONSE you get.

Read that again. It’s extremely important.

Communication IS the RESPONSE you get.

In other words, the thing that really and truly matters if you care about having the kind of understanding and emotional exchange between you and a man that you want is helping the man you’re sharing your thoughts and feelings with actually “get” what you’re saying.

And if you can do that, and spend just a little time helping him understand you… then you’re literally HUNDREDS of times more likely to get the RESULT you want from sharing your thoughts and feelings in the first place.

(Often times the RESULT you’re probably looking for is to simply to feel UNDERSTOOD)

So let me ask you…

What do you think would happen if you decided today to take 100% responsibility for the way in which you communicate and share the very thoughts that sneak up on you and make you feel frustrated and upset?

Would he respond in a new and different way?

I think you’d be surprised to find out how he would respond… and I KNOW you’d like what you found.

One of the challenges when we’re in a great relationship is that there is SOOOOO much intense emotional stuff happening inside us that our minds end up literally SWIMMING in ideas and emotions.

And because we know exactly how each of the things that is going on looks and feels for us inside our own head… we make the terrible mistake of thinking that with a few simple words in conversation that the person we’re experiencing these feelings with will instantly “get it” and understand where we’re coming from.

WRONG.

I think that if you think about it and you’re honest… even YOU don’t know and understand all the feelings, emotions, and thoughts that are going through your head.

Point being… this mistake of assuming that a man will have an easy time hearing and understanding you if he would just stop and listen to you is made 10 times worse by the fact that men aren’t often trying to RELATE to what you’re thinking and feeling anyway.

Instead, their mind is somewhere else completely and not focused on relating and understanding at that time.

Especially if you haven’t taken the time to ENGAGE HIM on an EMOTIONAL LEVEL to help him get in touch with his and your feelings.

What do men often do instead of relating to you and understanding you?

Right.

They try to SOLVE the “problem” they think is going on that’s making you feel things so intensely in the first place…

Or they’re trying to get away from the intense feelings and emotions you’re going through in the first place… because they don’t understand them… or they’re not in the mental and emotional place to take them in and talk to you about them.

There’s a SECRET about how to get a man in the right mental and emotional place where he’ll naturally want to listen, share, and connect with you on a more open emotional level.

And that’s by creating what I call an Emotional Engagement with a man.

Doing this can be as simple as rubbing the back of a man’s neck gently with your hands as he sinks into a feeling of connection and affection with you…

Or it can be as difficult as trying to explain to him over and over what’s going on in your relationship that’s causing problems… and having him not want to listen or talk to you anymore.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

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