3 Tips For Keeping A Man Attracted

Written by Christian Carter |  1 Comment

Have you ever wondered Why men can act so “hot and cold” and lose interest so quickly?

A man will approach you, get your number,call and ask you out, take you out and tell you he had an amazing time… and then the phone never rings again.

What’s going on here?

And here’s something else bizarre about men…

Why does a man who’s been giving his love and affection to a woman and shared a great relationship suddenly change his mind and leave?

Even if there wasn’t some big moment that changed things?

Interesting questions…

If you’re like lots of women I’ve talked to, then you’ve had theexperience of a man losing interest after a few dates, or leaving a more serious relationship unexpectedly for what seemed like no good reason.

When this happens with a great guy who you could have seen an amazing future with, you end up wondering over and over about why he was really leaving… and you end up often feeling like you would be willing to do almost ANYTHING to get him to stay since he seemed like he was the right man for you.

Unfortunately, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about here.

Read the scenarios below and nod your head silently if you can identify with any of these situations with men:

- You met an incredible man and you really hitt off at the beginning. But the more time you spent with him, the less interested he became…but the MORE interested you became.You could feel the balance of power shifting, but there was nothing you could do about it. Eventually he just stopped calling and seeing you, but he never explained why in a way that made any sense…

- You were seeing a man for several months,maybe even a year or so. Everything seemed fine.But then one day he came to you and said, “I don’t know how I feel anymore, and I just need some time ALONE… it’s not YOU, it’s ME”… but, his time “alone” turned into him seeing some other woman that wasn’t nearly the woman you are…

- You were in a serious long-term relationship that had lasted more than a couple of years, and you were with the man you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with. Sure, you had your problems, but you knew that you’d always work through whatever came up, and he would stick by your side forever. Out of nowhere, he started acting strange and distant… he started to become more frustrated, cold, and sometimes angry… and no matter how hard you tried to make him feel better and do nice things, it only got worse. Then he dropped the bomb that he didn’t love you anymore, and he was leaving. Or maybe he cheated on you, then told you as his way of breaking up…

…of course, there are a million variations of these basic situations, but I’ll bet you can dentify with at least one of them.

These situations SUCK… and the PAIN and the FRUSTRATION that comes up any time this happens to you with a man makes you wonder what all of your time, love, and attention was for.

Did you waste it all on something you thought was special and real that he didn’t share or feel the same way about?

And how could you have not seen this in him?

But the worst part of this for most women after the initial shock is over is the feeling of POWERLESSNESS that comes with a man doing and saying these things.

You wish you would have had some warning or been able to see it coming so you wouldn’t be so blindsided… or you could avoid it or do something to prevent it in the first place.

It’s bad enough having the man you like or love leave you… but to have to ALSO deal with the fact that you didn’t even see or feel it coming and that there’s NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT can be just plain depressing.

Again, if you’ve been there, nod silently with me…

Now let’s talk about how to AVOID this kind of thing in the future.

IDENTIFYING THE REAL PROBLEM

The first thing you must realize in this type of situation with a man is that the problem you’re dealing with isn’t what you THINK it is.

I’ll explain what I mean by this…

Most women naturally assume that a man is leaving them because they’re not being “nice” or good enough in the relationship, or that they aren’t giving him what he wants.

Or they assume that this is just “one of those things that happens” because men don’t get it, or that “feelings change” and that there’s really nothing you could have done anyway.

Well, these ideas, and almost all the others that most women think are DEAD WRONG.

Let me give you a hint.

If you’ve had these kinds of situations happen to you more than once, then the reality is that:

1) There’s likely a PATTERN going on here in YOUR LIFE that a man, or men in general, play just a small part in creating and living out with you.

2) As part of this pattern in your life, YOU are the one who is bringing the thinking and behavior that helps create these situations yourself…and you need to get rid of these old ways of doing things that don’t work and throw them out before you’re truly going to be able to grow and move forward in your love life.

There’s a great saying that I like to teach and share in my live seminars that I’ve heard from several other great teachers…

“If you’re not growing, your dying.”

Often times it’s hard for you to see how the things you do when it comes to men, dating and relationships is really a lot of the exact same approaches that just look different since you’re in a new situation.

That’s why it’s time to start over and open your mind to a new way of seeing and doing things that will help you quickly grow and learn. And best of all… get you NEW RESULTS and OUTCOMES in your love life… such as a more fulfilling and lasting relationship.

I’ll share more on how to start out on your own growth path in your love life later…

YOU CAN’T SOLVE IT WITH MORE OF THE SAME

Now I want to talk about the critical things to NOT do when it comes to men and dating.

I know that this is going to sound pretty obvious, but if what you’re doing isn’t working in a particular situation, you need to STOP.

Don’t keep doing what’s NOT working for you.

In other words, if the man you like or love is breaking up with you and you’ve been being nice to him, doing whatever he wants, trying to convince him to stay, feeling so hurt and upset that you cry when you see or talk to him, or telling him that you’ll do anything to make it better and be “available” to him however he wants you if he’ll stay… then you need to STOP.

Stop it right now.

Whatever it is you’re doing that isn’t working actually IS the thing that ISN’T WORKING. Duh.

So stop it now.

Doing more of the same is only going to get you more of what is already happening.

I know this sounds obvious, but I’m not telling you because I can’t think of anything else to say.

I’m telling you because I have talked to and helped literally thousands of women find the love,joy, security, and fulfillment they want in their love lives…

And the single BIGGEST CHALLENGE getting them started on their new path where they start doing things that work well and feel great for them is to simply get them to STOP what they’ve been doing for years and years that isn’t working.

Have you ever been dating a guy and thingswere going great, and then something came up or you saw something in him or your relationship that freaked you out… and you ended up feeling hurt or scared and you let your emotions get the best of you and you “lost it” on the man you were with?

And afterwards, things didn’t seem to really be the same between you ever again?

It was almost like in that moment he saw or felt something from you that kept him from ever getting close or opening up to you again.

If you’ve had this happen, then I can help you avoid this in the future… and know how to get things back on track no matter what happened in the past.

I can help you stop doing what isn’t working for you with men in your life.

And I’m going to give you an easy way to get started with the growth and change that will get you there…

I want you to do something for me right now.

I want you to take out a piece of paper and a pen and write something down.

I’m serious about this, so go get a pen and a piece of paper right now. I’ll wait for you to go find these…

..

..

Ok, now that you’ve got a pen and something to write on, let’s get started.

STEP 1)

I want you to first write down the most recent situation you had with a man that didn’t work.

Start by writing the man’s name. And then below his name, write out what your situation or relationship was when it was good in 1-2 short sentences.

Yours might look something like this…

“Mark”

“Mark was interested and attracted to me,and we had great chemistry. He would call me all the time, we’d share great conversations, and we had some amazing times together.”

Now go ahead and write down briefly in a couple of short sentences what your situation was like when it was great.

STEP 2)

Now I want you to write down how YOU and YOUR behavior and thinking changed as your situation or relationship started to change or end. And again, do this in 1-2 short sentences.

It might look something like this…

“I started getting worried and anxious all the time, and I tried to talk to him about what was going on and how he felt. And I got upset or frustrated with him and lost my composure several times.”

Go ahead and write down how your own thinking and behavior changed in a few short sentences.

STEP 3)

Ok, now I want you to take a look at what you’ve written in the last step about how your behavior and thinking changed… and I want you to do something that is going to be VERY SIMPLE for you, yet VERY POWERFUL.

I want you to write down the 2 things that you are going to STOP DOING with men in the future.

Look at what you did, said, or thought in the past right now, and I want you to see how these things didn’t work for you…and I want you to write out clearly what the 2 things are for you that you’re going to STOP DOING in the future.

Go ahead and write these down now. I’ll give you a minute or two…

..

..

Good.

Now you’ve got some “actionable” things to go out and use to create a better situation for yourself with a man.

Keep these 2 things and make sure to look at them every so often. They are going to be big keys for you if you can keep them in mind.

THE IMPORTANCE OF ATTRACTION WITH A MAN

One of the main reasons why I talk about and teach the concept of ATTRACTION is that when it comes to situations where a man changes the way he’s acting with you, or starts to feel differently about you… the REAL underlying reason for this,
is usually that the man doesn’t feel that intense level of ATTRACTION for you anymore.

And this is especially true early on when you’re just “dating”.

When you boil it all down… when a man has asked you out, takes you out on a few dates that you felt were great, and then STOPS calling and asking you out… he just plain isn’t FEELING IT
for you anymore.

Now, a man will say and do all kinds of things OTHER than telling you that this is what’s going on for him.

In fact, men have a million things in their heads that keep them from being able to tell a woman what they’re feeling. (That is, if they even consciously know that this is what’s really going on inside their own head)

Instead, men will “rationalize” what’s going on inside them and think or say things like-

“I can’t tell her how I REALLY feel because I don’t want to hurt her feelings that way”…

Or, “I can’t tell her what’s going on because I can’t really explain it and I don’t want to deal with the conversation”…

Or, “It’s just easier if I walk away and don’t say anything”.

NOt fun stuff.

The thing is, when you take away all of the B.S. and you get right to the core of what’s going on, you’ll usually find that it all boils down to ATTRACTION… or, more specifically, the LACK of ATTRACTION.

I’m going to say something that’s pretty bold right now. Get ready.

If you don’t know how to make a man feel theGUT LEVEL physical and emotional response called ATTRACTION, then you are always going to have a high level of UNCERTAINTY and INSECURITY in dating and relationships…

And you will very likely have men leave you and be “wishy-washy” about being with you for the rest of your life.

More to the point- there is no making up for it in other ways with a man if you don’t happen to “get it” in the ATTRACTION department.

As I’m sure you already know, men can be very “hot and cold” in a moments notice.

The reality is that a man doesn’t sit there and think to himself – “Gee, should I be into this woman? Or should I stop wanting her?”

That’s not the way it works at all.

A man simply KNOWS if he FEELS IT for a woman because he feels it or he doesn’t.

And when he doesn’t anymore, then it spells DISASTER for the relationship you were trying to build.

But guess what all this means?

Believe it or not, this is GOOD NEWS.

But how in the world could it be good news?

Because it’s YOU who can make a man feel the powerful, gut level, intense kind of ATTRACTION that will have him begging you for your time and attention… or not.

YOU are the one who creates this feeling in him. And YOU are the one who can make it go away.

In other words, even though you might not see or know it right now… you have a lot of POWER with a man.

And if you choose, you can use this “power” in a great and authentic way with the man in your life to create amazing situations that will naturally lead him to wanting a loving relationship with you that’s filled with passion because of his intense desire to be with you and be close to you.

Wouldn’t it be great to have a man feeling so strongly about you that he was literally pushing you and your relationship forward on his own because he couldn’t stand the idea of not being the only man in your life?

Would you want to know how some women get to experience this with the man in their life and seem to “have it easy”… while other women NEVER get to have this situation?

Before I give you some tips on how to do this,I want to recommend something to you that can quickly give you all the tools and insights you’ll need to have a man feeling this way for you.

FOCUS ON THE PROBLEM, NOT THE SYMPTOMS

Here’s something I want you to think about that relates to men, love and relationships…

When it comes to health and medicine, there are a few different approaches that doctors and caregivers take.

One general approach is to try and get rid of and alleviate as many of the SYMPTOMS as possible. Basically this is to try and help the body feel better in the absence of symptoms that complicate or get in the way of the healing process.

Sometimes this approach works.

Another approach is to focus on the underlying PROBLEM or ILLNESS itself… and that by addressing this, all the other symptoms that have been going on will start to take care of themselves and quickly go away.

This approach often has stronger and longer lasting results when it comes to your overall long term health and wellness.

The thing is, if you’re like most women, then you’ve had several serious relationships in your life where things were going well with a man… but then trouble started showing up and things quickly felt differently and changed.

SYMPTOMS came up in your relationship…

The man didn’t act as interested anymore.

Or he didn’t call or make plans as much anymore.

Or he wasn’t as affectionate as he used to be.

Or he seemed suddenly distant or withdrawn.

It’s here that most women make the mistake of trying to FIX what’s going on…. when what they’re trying to fix is really just a SYMPTOM of something else going on at a deeper level.

So by trying to fix the SYMPTOMS, they end up wasting their time and energy, and they don’t end up addressing the actual PROBLEM that’s going on and is the source of all the other SYMPTOMS.

Now, you’re probably becoming aware of where I’m going with all this.

The BEST way to deal with the common negative and frustrating SYMPTOMS that come up for you with men and dating if you’re looking for growth, change, and new outcomes in your life… is to figure out how to SOLVE and PREVENT the actual
PROBLEMS themselves that keep coming up for you with men.

And… on an even bigger level… start figuring out what to do and what not to do in order to AVOID these problems BEFORE they go wrong again in the future.

The truth is that trying to address all the SYMPTOMS with a man after the fact like lots of women do with men is sure to keep you busy and frustrated.

There is a better way…

A way to get right at the heart of the matter of what’s going on between you and a man that will allow you to start creating what you want.

A way to learn to keep the common negative situations that come up for you with men from happening in the first place, rather than try to figure out how to deal with the SYMPTOMS and
hope things get better.

I’ve learned after helping women find more love, joy, and success with men, dating, and relationships over the years that the first and most essential way to PREVENT negative and uncertain situations with a man is to understand more about “male psychology” and, as importantly,to start to learn how and why a man will feel ATTRACTION for you, or not.

Here are a few pointers to get you started when it comes to “male psychology” and ATTRACTION:

Insight #1) Men are NEVER attracted to and stay with women who NEED them

Let me tell you something you might not have thought about…

Did you know that a woman doesn’t have to actually be “needy” for a man to feel like she’s needy and get that “Ewwwwwww” feeling inside where he won’t want to be around her much anymore?

Here’s the thing…

A man has his own experience in the world that is different from most women’s experience.

Most successful, attractive men have met and spoken to A LOT of women in their lives.

And over time, they’ve also talked to lots of women who unfortunately acted “needy” and clingy around them at some time or another, and it was a huge turn off.

Well, imagine what it does to a man’s perspective on women in general when he’s had lots of women act this way around him when he’s dated or been in a relationship?

Although it isn’t fair… a man will become VERY QUICK to see and identify things that women do around him as an indication of these same negative and unattractive needy qualities.

The strange thing is that often times the more attractive and desirable a man is… then the more sensitive his “neediness radar” is because he’s had lots of women act in a way with him that felt needy and desperate.

Point being, if a woman does something that communicates any of these “needy” qualities to a man… then even if she isn’t as needy as other women who might have acted in a similar way… a man is going to quickly judge the woman as overly needy and get that instant bad feeling inside where he wants to get away from her.

In case you aren’t clear on it… a man won’t feel ATTRACTION for a woman who communicates to him that she has to be with him and have a relationship in order to be happy and feel good.

He might have some PHYSICAL ATTRACTION for a woman who acts this way… but a man will be very weary of becoming EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED with a woman who seems to have a lot of emotional “needs” from him early on.

To a man, a woman who looks to him too much for emotional support or clarity on how she should feel and if things are good or not between them becomes the very definition of “needy” to him.

Of course, most women aren’t trying to communicate these things to a man and don’t really feel 100% “needy” inside, but they end up communicating these things to a man ON ACCIDENT as they’re trying to help their relationship grow and work.

But no matter what your intentions, if your behavior resembles the common things that other women do who are “needy” that men have seen or felt before… then a man will end up getting that negative and unattractive “needy” feeling from a woman anyways.

Now, I know it doesn’t seem very fair that a man will see you as needy even if you aren’t.

And I know that men should stop being so emotionally “gun-shy” and freaked out.

But the reality is that for a man, it isn’t a “conscious” and logical process when he gets that “Ewwwww” feeling inside that comes from thinking a woman is acting or being needy with him.

It’s just the way that a man responds in the moment on a deep emotional level without thinking.

Of course, what lots of women end up doing is to try and be the opposite of needy, and be very generous and giving.

To them, it makes sense on some level that if a man doesn’t like a needy woman, then the exact opposite must work.

WRONG.

This doesn’t help create the kind of ATTRACTION inside a man that will make him feel so into you that he’ll want to spend all his time with you.

Sure, if you dote on a man, flirt and pay him all kinds of attention to flatter him, and you do enough “nice” things for him, he may “fall” for you. But in that case it’s not because he feels ATTRACTION for you.

No.

It’s because he feels AFFECTION for you.

And who wouldn’t want to spend some time with someone who treats them this way.

But the affection that a man will feel, and the quick and easy emotions he’ll have from your attention can’t be confused with a strong and deeper level of ATTRACTION.

It’s not the kind of ATTRACTION that lasts for longer than the attention your paying him and the ego-boost he’s getting from you.

That’s another thing all together for a man.

Insight #2) Don’t be PREDICTABLE.

Predictability is a mortal sin when it comes to attraction.

If a man can guess what you’re going to do or say, you’re being predictable.

If he CAN’T guess what you’re going to do or say, he’ll always be wondering and thinking about you.

Now, keep in mind that some men have gotten pretty good at predicting behavior from women.

So if you’re going to stop being predictable,then you’re going to need to LEARN how if you’re going to create a level of excitement and attraction with it.

To begin with, PAUSE a tiny bit before you do and say things. Think about what you’d normally do, then DO SOMETHING ELSE.

Throw in some crazy, off-the-wall stuff for good measure. And use humor and teasing when at all possible with a man. Men LOVE IT.

The point is, being predictable is BAD BAD BAD and instantly makes you seem like all the other women a man has met.

If you’re meeting a man and getting to know him, then don’t let the 1st, 2nd, 3rd question you ask him be,

“So what do you do for a living?” in a serious tone.

This is exactly what every other woman in the world is asking an interesting, desirable,attractive men when they meet him.

Think about what could be fun and unexpected.

Insight #3) Don’t be BORING.

Boring is the bastard child of Predictable.

When you are SO predictable that NOTHING is new or different, then you are officially BORING.

Boring is also the lack of adventure,passion,energy,imagination, humor, and ATTRACTION.

Unfortunately, most women can act or talk about things when “dating” and their nervous that can end up being common, everyday really boring stuff.

Talking about your job is boring.

But talking about crazy office politics and a funny story about how ruthless one of your co-workers is isn’t.

Talking about your ex-boyfriend/husband, or your past relationships or your kids is boring. Even if they are interesting, cute, or have some drama to them.

But talking about the worst pick-up line you ever got from a man isn’t.

Men love fun and humor. So much so, that it’s often all the seek out in their “free time”.

So take it from me, BORING is BAD.

I don’t care WHAT you have to do to stop being boring, but do it.

More important than what you do and talk about is HOW you do it and talk about it.

There is a way to communicate with a man that prevents you from being boring. I suggest that you pay attention to the things you’re learning from me so you “get it”.

WHY MEN LOSE INTEREST

OK, so to wrap, let me talk about one more thing…

As I mentioned before, the REAL thing that causes men to LEAVE comes down to the woman in his life not understanding ATTRACTION and how to make him FEEL IT for her… whether it’s on dates, or it’s inside a relationship.

Of course, this isn’t the only reason out there for this… but it’s by far and away the most important when it comes to men.

And, as I mentioned, no man is EVER going to TELL this to you.

Instead, he’s just going to LEAVE.

When I first started studying, learning, and observing all of this stuff about how to help women be more successful with men and dating,I had NO IDEA that I would wind up solving the mystery of why men LEAVE women.

I was only looking for the answer to how a woman can attract a great guy in the first place and make things work in a relationship.

But now I realize that this particular topic usually winds up being the most important one,because once you find that amazing man and get something good going, you certainly don’t want to LOSE him.

And when you find yourself in the situation,and you realize that the man you’re with is about to leave, or he already left… then you would basically do ANYTHING to stop it.

Of course, at that point it’s usually TOO LATE to do anything… which doesn’t feel so great.

So…

One of the most important things you can do RIGHT NOW in your love life is to learn how and why men feel ATTRACTION for a woman… and how to make a man feel it for you.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Categories : Attracting Men

Christian Carter is a leading advisor to women on dating, relationships, connection and love. An expert in psychology, communication and behavior, Christian Carter has developed foundational concepts that help women understand men, dating and relationships. Visit Christian's official website, by clicking here.

One Comment

  1. princessinlove says:

    hi there!
    u really help me.. i’m sort of that average and common woman u r talking about…
    try to solve problems just by looking at the symptoms because i didn’t know actually what is the real problem behind all his ‘slow moving’ in our relation recently after having more than 2 years relationship.. even though i had asked him.. but, yes.. he didn’t told me what was wrong..
    know i get it, i’ll try and catch it with u later. thanks for the good information..

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