How To Quickly Get To Know A Man & His Feelings

I’m going to get right to the point-

When you don’t know how to get a man to communicate openly and honestly with you at all times… it can seem impossible to move past the “guessing game” of dating or a casual relationship.

Here’s why this is so difficult with a man…

If you’re like lots of women I’ve helped, then when you finally choose a man to date, you share your heart, mind, body, and soul.

But isn’t it the worst kind of pain when you find out AFTER THE FACT that the man you’ve shared yourself with isn’t interested in a real future?

That he was only “casually” into being with you, or with any woman.

Or what’s worse… after dating a man for weeks or months you find out that he’s been seeing ANOTHER WOMAN all along?

Aaaarrrrgggggghhhh!

You can’t believe you thought this was something serious and real. Obviously it wasn’t FOR HIM.

Don’t let these painful situations with men cause you to suffer… when there’s a way to COMPLETELY AVOID THEM in the first place.

Would your relationship with a man be more SECURE and fulfilling if you were able to talk with him and know what was really going on in his mind?

Keep reading to learn how to bring a new level of CONFIDENCE and SECURITY to your love life by transforming the way you’re able to COMMUNICATE with a man.

Here’s the first thing you should know…

What grabs a man’s attention, what makes him listen, and what he can understand and relate to when it comes to love and a real relationship is different than what works or makes sense to you as a woman.

Don’t make the mistake of trying to talk to a man, date him, or find ways for you to understand each other or share your thoughts in your relationship by assuming that the way things work for you is the way they are going to work for HIM.

Now, I have a question for you-

When you meet a new guy and you start dating, do you ever feel anxious that you’re going to “mess it up” by doing or saying something wrong?

Do you get upset when a guy hasn’t called you after a few dates, and you wish you knew why and what to do or say about it?

Do you ever worry that since men can be so “fickle” even after you’ve been dating for a while… that all it takes is one bad conversation or emotional exchange for him to lose interest and start acting differently?

If you’ve ever experienced any of the situations above, then you know that feeling you get in your stomach when you start liking a guy but things come to a screeching halt.

All of a sudden, instead of him calling you, asking you out, and showing you that he’s interested and attracted to you… it’s almost like he starts AVOIDING YOU.

And you know that if you stopped making the effort, it would all end that very second.

Do you know what to do and say to a man when this happens if you don’t want things to completely unravel?

For lots of women, they fall into a state of PANIC in their mind… as FEAR AND ANXIETY takes over.

And it’s here that things go from bad to worse as they do some of the universal things that cause a man to lose interest in a woman and walk away.

A few of these common mistakes are:

1. “Losing your cool” emotionally and trying to get what you want by pouting, crying, yelling, or becoming angry and bitter

2. Trying to win him over by PURSUING HIM and doing all kinds of “nice” things to get his attention or approval

3. Working to CONVINCE HIM to want to be with you, and why you’re the best thing for him, and making him see you as too “clingy” or “needy”

Now, to be clear here… I’m not saying that a woman might not be “justified” in losing her cool, or in acting in ways a man who isn’t terribly comfortable sharing his feelings could judge to be “needy”.

What I’m saying is if you’re interested in what a man is thinking or feeling with you, and you want him to FEEL ATTRACTED to you and want to be with you and share his feelings…

Then you need to start thinking about how YOUR BEHAVIOR looks from HIS PERSPECTIVE.

And why the things that YOU do and say cause him to RESPOND the way he does.

Here’s what you need to know right now…

If you “lose your cool” too often with a man, or you act in a way he thinks is too “needy”… guess how it’s going to make him feel?

He’s going to feel the OPPOSITE of ATTRACTED to you.

As in he will actually feel REPELLED by you.

Ummm… not good.

In fact, this is usually the kiss of death with a man if it happens early on.

After a man gets that gut-level negative “Eeeewwww” feeling about a woman…it’s like a door has swung shut and a man will never open it with her again.

Why is this?

The short answer is because when a man sees a woman act this way… unconsciously he stops trusting her.

And when this happens, it’s impossible for a man to open up and share his thoughts or feelings with her in any real way ever again.

Not to mention ever feel an emotional connection or an attraction for her.

Now, as bad as all this is… guess what’s worse?

Most women who end up making these kinds of mistakes have NO CLUE that they’re making these mistakes and shutting the door to a man themselves.

Seriously.

Have you ever called a man, and started talking to him, only to realize that he was in a COMPLETELY different mood than the way he was with you before?

Like he just “turned cold” on you all of a sudden, even though nothing had really happened or changed as far as you knew.

It was almost like you were talking to a completely different guy than then one you were with just a day or two before… and it made no sense.

Actually, it completely FREAKED YOU OUT.

And when you tried to talk about it… it was like that part of him you used to connect with just wasn’t there anymore.

And when you asked him what was wrong, he replied:

“Nothing. Why?”

And that was it.

It was one of those conversations where you could just TELL that something wasn’t right… and that he wasn’t going to be calling you or initiating much of anything with you. Maybe ever again.

And each time you tried to talk to him or communicate with him, it was like he couldn’t get away from you quick enough. Or like he wasn’t even there.

Which just made you feel even more FREAKED OUT and upset.

But the more you felt like he was pulling away and felt rejected by him, the more you couldn’t keep yourself from either emotionally breaking down when you talked to him…

Or trying anything and everything you could think of to make him “into you” again.

But all this you were doing in an attempt to save things only made him want to run even faster away from you.

What’s going on here?

Here’s the deal…

I personally think that these kinds of frustrating situations for women come down to a few key DEEPER ISSUES.

And I think that if you don’t have these other issues “handled”, and you don’t know what to do around a man to break out of the common patterns most women stay trapped in, then you’re going to keep running into the same problems with man after man… and NEVER even know WHY you can’t have the true love in your life you know is possible.

I mean, it’s bad enough to keep having a particular problem with a man… or to suffer from similar problems with several men as a recurring pattern in your love life…

But the reality is that, just like you, most women want true love and security in their love life.

And even though they might have the best of intentions in their actions with a man… they still might NEVER come across the actual solution for being able to connect and communicate with the man in their life and make things work out in the end.

Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Now, I want you to start thinking about all this in a new way.

Let’s start here…

If you’re wanting to talk to a man, and you’re already feeling anxious, scared, and unsure of what to say and if you’re ever going to be able to get him to respond to you and open up… then there is no “magic pill” to solve your problem.

None of the “right words” are going to make your situation better.

Why?

Because YOU are your own problem - not the words you’re trying to find.

Let me explain…

If you call your man up and you need to talk to him… and you tell him how you feel and that you wish he would open up to you…

And then he says “Look, why don’t we talk later. I’m tired.” and you get that sinking feeling because you know he’s blowing you off…

The reality is that you’re not going to be able to make things better by trying harder or asking him questions more often.

The answer isn’t trying more of the same.

It’s in using a completely different approach and mindset.

HOW TO APPROACH CONVERSATIONS WITH A MAN

So, let’s take a few minutes and talk about why it can be so difficult to communicate with a man.

Here are some of the “root causes”, and how I see them…

1) “Scarcity” Thinking

If you’re dating a man, or in a relationship that’s new, and you have strong feelings for him… it’s easy to start to feel more and more worried and DESPERATE about whether things are “ultimately” going to work out in the long run.

A large part of this comes from your own mindset of “scarcity”.

The more you start to like a guy, the more you start to worry, get nervous, act overly emotional and sensitive, and become less comfortable and confident around him.

On the other hand… it’s probably also very easy to date, have fun, and be your “best self” around guys who you don’t care that much about.

How’s that for twisted irony?

But more importantly, why does this happen?

It comes from the fear that you don’t have any other options… and that you believe that it’s VERY UNLIKELY that a man will ever really like you or love you.

When you feel this intense subtle unconscious fear… it’s THEN that the single man in front of you becomes so precious and valuable that you lose control of your own emotions and your behavior.

Translation: You want it too badly and you start acting “needy” or desperate.

Of course, wanting love isn’t bad.

And wanting a man isn’t bad.

But allowing your negative beliefs about yourself and your future to take over and control you is bad.

What happens is that your emotional system is AUTOMATICALLY triggered in a negative way…because at some level you realize that if you screw this up, it’s all over.

Your emotional system starts to behave like your situation really is life or death.

And with this happening, no matter how hard you try, your fearful and negative emotions are going to show up and TURN HIM OFF in a big way.

2) Wanting A Boyfriend Before You Know The Man

Now, if you have a guy you’ve been dating for six months, and you’ve decided that he’s one in a million, it makes sense to put a lot of importance on your relationship with him.

But, if you don’t know a guy very well, or you haven’t even dated him at all, then you are only setting yourself up for major disappointment by putting too much importance, or your emotional well-being, on how things go with him each day.

When you do this, you’re not actually falling for the real guy in front of you…

You’re falling for the POTENTIAL.

By definition, you’re going to be upset and frustrated when you find out that your IDEAL isn’t REALITY…

And you’re going to start doing and saying things that will frustrate, confuse, or turn a man off simply because he’s not the guy you made him out to be in your own mind.

Even though he might actually be a great guy as he really is.

3) Thinking you can “talk him into loving you”

This is a HUGE issue.

Most women who find themselves having to be the ones to “pursue” the man they desire subconsciously start trying to CONVINCE him that he should feel a certain way about them,and want a certain kind of relationship.

When you think about this, it only makes sense… of course you’d want the man you like to feel the way you do… so he’ll love you back and want to be with you.

But have you ever thought for a moment how an interesting, attractive, indepedendent, successful man sees it when a woman tries to CONVINCE him of how he should feel?

Or what kind of relationship he should want, and when?

Well, here’s the INSTANT and SUBCONSCIOUS response that men have:

“She’s trying too hard. There’s something wrong and I’m starting to not feel the same way I felt when I met her. She’s already acting insecure and she must have something bad going on inside her. I don’t want to get involved if this is how she is.”

In other words, the INSTANT you do something or say something that is an obvious attempt at convincing a man, his radar system screams:

“Needy!”

By the way, there’s a much better way to go about making it so that the man you want has INTENSE FEELINGS and wants to be with you as well-

What do men want and gravitate towards more than anything else when it comes to women?

Women who are ATTRACTIVE.

Instead of trying to talk to a man, or convincing him to be into you… if you can learn how to create the FEELING of ATTRACTION inside of him, you won’t need to do much else besides let him come to you.

4) Communicating Your Expectations In An Accidentally Negative Way

When you start getting your hopes and expectations up, you begin to get ATTACHED to them.

Then you run the risk of HOLDING ON TOO TIGHT to your little fantasy.

Bad idea.

Men don’t date women and feel comfortable and excited to be with them when the woman starts off assuming too much… and turns the time they spend together and their relationship into what feels like a “requirement” or an “obligation”.

Remember, a good guy is used to having women want to become serious with him VERY QUICKLY… even though HIS MIND doesn’t always move at the same pace.

Often times, before a guy has had a chance to know if his relationship with a woman is something he really wants and could last…she’s already getting UPSET that he’s not “ready” the way she is.

In fact, some guys almost EXPECT to date a woman and then have her say, “You know, I’m a little frustrated or bothered by the way you are with me and our relationship…” or some other equally predictable and subtly negative statement.

Just like being desperate can destroy your chances with a man… liking a man too much, too fast and then communicating your own expectations to him through your negative emotions leads to bad outcomes as well.

Now, think over what I just said…

I’m basically saying that if you want to cure the problem of why it can be so hard to talk to a man when you’re dating and about moving things forward… then you have to go INSIDE first and become aware of what’s going on for yourself.

And then see how this affects HIM.

The GOOD NEWS is that doing this kind of “introspection” is not only good for you, it also helps you once you do have a great guy and a real relationship.

So, here’s a few things I’d suggest you try:

1) For Meeting Men & Dating

If you go out one evening with a couple of friends, and you meet a REALLY hot guy… and you wind up having a fun conversation and he asks for your number, what should you do?

Should you start thinking about how great it will be to be with him when you’re in a committed relationship together?

No.

You should remember what we talked about-that often times when you really like a guy and you start filling your head with all kinds of expectations… you not only have a harder time being your “best self” when you’re around him again…

But you often end up acting in ways that turn him off and make him become closed off to the idea of a future with you.

Instead of putting all your “hopes” in this one situation, remember that this is just the start… and that there’s a lot to learn and discover before a relationship could develop. (at least one that would be healthy and “real”)

And of course, it never hurts to keep in mind that other guy you met a while back who you connected with as well.

Think about it… when are you MOST likely to have a man be into you? When are you most likely to be in a great mood that actually ATTRACTS a man?

Exactly… when you’re not WORRIED or NERVOUS about what’s going to happen next.

So take advantage of this time.

2) For Communicating In A Relationship, Or Starting A New One

I have news for you: when you think about something important to you or your relationship for hours or days… and then you finally are with your man and you take everything you’ve thought of and let it out, expecting him to hear you and understand where it’s all coming from….

He’s NOT going to get it or understand you.

Why?

It’s not because he doesn’t care or that he isn’t trying to hear you.

Simply put - you had hours or days or weeks invested in thinking about what’s in YOUR HEAD.

And then you took all that “processing” and thinking and spoke a few words about it to him with the assumption that he’d be able to get exactly what it is you were going through.

WRONG.

Now, are men less than open or receptive to listening sometimes when you share your feelings.

Yes.

But if you want to build a RELATIONSHIP with a man, then you know you’re both going to have to learn about how to connect and share with each other.

He’ll have to learn about how things work for you.

And you’ll have to learn about how things work for him.

If your own thoughts, internal emotions, and YOUR PERSPECTIVE on how things work are trying to run the show…then it’s very likely that you’re not going to get very far in your relationship with a man, and that it’s not going to last too long.

One of the toughest things to do is to actually learn how to take what you think and feel and have someone else not only listen in an open and supportive way… but to actually UNDERSTAND YOU and where you’re coming from.

People spend years or decades studying how to do become strong communicators and relate well to other people.

The sooner you learn what it takes for you to communicate with a man and get the RESPONSE that you want (him being open, supportive, loving, understanding)…

Then the sooner you’re going to be able to start living a fulfilling life and create a great relationship that you can have CONFIDENCE and SECURITY in.

I’ll talk to you again soon… and best of luck in Life and Love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

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