Creating Intense Attraction With A Man

Written by Christian Carter |  1 Comment

I’d like to tell you a story…

It’s a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don’t be alarmed.

Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very attracted to a particular man.

At first, he was just another attractive man…but the more she got to know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him… and the more time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for him.

But there was one problem.

As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure.

Why?

Because she couldn’t tell whether or not he felt the same way towards her.

Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past the “friendship” stage.

There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him… and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional, and invited her “inside” for a little while.

But something was wrong with the picture.

He just wasn’t acting like a man who was “falling in love”. He was acting like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would be.

And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.

The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that amplified itself… and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing things up” or “scaring him off”, by starting conversations or asking him if he was interested in her and why he didn’t ask her out.

Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to spend with her.

After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how SHE FELT, that he would feel the same way.

So, she made a bold move.

She TOLD HIM how she felt.

She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.

He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed and held each other.

But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn’t call her and wasn’t really “available” to her.

This only confused the woman more.

She didn’t know how to take it…

Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?

Did it mean that he wasn’t ready for a long term relationship?

Did it mean that he didn’t love her, and that he was trying to give her a hint?

Did it mean that she hadn’t tried hard enough?

Did it mean that she needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let him know how she felt?

She finally decided that she couldn’t go on like this anymore… she had to be with him.

She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with him… so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter… again confessing her feelings.

And then, something unthinkable happened.

Either he didn’t reply at all…. (Ouch!)

Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical level for a brief time, but then he backed away.

Then she called him a couple of times, the following week before reaching him.

He made an excuse about being very busy and said, “I’ll try to give you a call soon, I have to go”… and hung up…but she never got a call back.

Over the following months, the woman tried desperately to understand what went wrong… and what happened.

THE END….

OK, I’m back.

Now, wasn’t that a sweet story?

Heartwarming, huh?

I know… I should keep my day job, and not take up writing romance novels….

Now, let’s talk about that story.

That story is basically a MYTH.

But I’m not talking about FICTION here.

I’m talking about a story that rings true for lots of women. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level, because you can IDENTIFY with it.

And why does this particular story resonate for some women?

Because lots of women have been there in one way or another… at one time or another… and many have been there OFTEN in their lives.

Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs as a result of the powerful negative experiences it brings back.

Stories and situations like this one really FASCINATE me.

They fascinate me because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND the puzzles about men, women and how we behave with each other.

In this particular situation, I think there is something important for a woman to know…

It lies in understanding a SECRET that lots of women DON’T get.

That secret comes down to the reality that if a man isn’t ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her attempts to share a connection, convince him to like her, and to feel and share love, will BACKFIRE.

In other words, they not only DON’T WORK, they can actually make things WORSE.

The very things that a woman does to try to make a man LIKE HER… make him NOT like her.

They make him run.

Even though a woman might have nothing but the most loving and positive emotional intentions in the long run, these actually cause the woman feeling them to do things that make the man pull away… and sometimes for good.

It sucks, doesn’t it?

Why does it have to be so hard, right?

But, it’s a strangely common dynamic that most men and women really aren’t aware of and don’t understand, even though they’re playing it out.

Hopefully, by explaining the process of how this happens to you, I’ll help you avoid this painful and frustrating situation in your own future…

And maybe you can start to understand what’s going on a little better, if you think about what it’s like when a man you’re NOT attracted to desperately wants your attention, affection and your time.

Have you ever had a guy pursue you?

You know, when a guy asks for your number and maybe you feel awkward turning him down, so you relent.

And then he calls…

As he’s trying to get your attention, approval and affection, all of his pleading and effort just seems to bug you more and make you want to get away.

Even if all he’s doing is telling you great things about yourself and how he feels about you.

CHOICES AND THE PARADOX OF ATTRACTION

I’m always fascinated by the idea that we humans don’t always understand the message that we’re communicating to others…

So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message, that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we’re trying to say.

Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over- the-top sexy/cheap and wears way too much make-up?

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don’t think that her appearance is communicating the message to men that she thinks it is”…?

Yeah, I have too.

Well, here’s the deal:

If you do something to “let a man know how you feel” but he isn’t open to the situation at that time, or he’s not in the right place/right time to hear it, or most importantly – he isn’t ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to backfire.

Yep… It’s actually going to trigger a feeling of discomfort and disinterest in the man.

And this is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.

Once a man feels it, he’ll start behaving differently.

In short, he’ll back off, withdraw, or even disappear.

So what causes this?

And why would a man react this way towards a woman who was trying to be nice… a woman who was giving him her time, compliments, attention, or telling him how she feels affection for him?

Because if you think about it from HIS perspective, you’ll realize that the moment you do something to “confess”, you’ve created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.

Up until that point, you were harmless.

I mean, men know when they are getting some “special attention” from a woman and can sense it.

But now that you’ve started pursuing him and talking about how you feel, you’ve passively posed several questions that can create NEGATIVE TENSION:

“How do you feel about me?”

And…

“Do you want to be with me?”

You’ve triggered an emotion that can actually REPEL a man and make him even more detached from his emotions.

Here’s the thing…

You can’t “make a man like you” or change how he feels about you by doing nice things for him.

Doing “nice” things for a man who isn’t attracted to you, HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the feeling that you’re trying to bribe him because you don’t think he would just like you for you.

Men are the worst at this, by the way.

They make this mistake over and over again in life, because they’re doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They’re doing it because they don’t have an understanding of ATTRACTION.

If you have any guy friends, brothers, etc. in your life who are clueless when it comes to women, then you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.

When they’re really “into” a woman and they want things to go somewhere or progress, and maybe the woman is not feeling it for him so much, what does he do?

Usually a lot of things that communicate, “Hey, I think you’re way more valuable, important and higher status than I am… Maybe one day if I give you enough compliments and gifts you’ll start to like me.”

But let me clarify here so you really get it…

If you have a FRIEND (man or woman) and you like them, and you want to make them like you more, then when you do some nice things for them they will probably actually like and appreciate you more. As a friend.

On the other hand…

If you have a man that you “like” in a romantic way, and he doesn’t “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for him, because you want HIM to like you more, it will BACKFIRE… and he will not only NOT like you more, but he will most likely distance himself from you.

Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man… as if that’s part of the necessary process of getting a guy.

In their minds, it goes like this:

Like him ->Tell him you like him ->He likes you.

If you follow this pattern with men who aren’t already FEELING much ATTRACTION or CONNECTION with you, then it’s probably going to BACKFIRE.

If he’s not into you, then it goes like THIS:

He thinks of you as a friend ->You tell him you like him ->He gets that “yikes” feeling and withdraws…

THE ANSWER

There are really TWO answers to this problem.

The first answer is what to do if you’re in a situation where you like a particular guy, but you don’t know if he likes you back.

DON’T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.

Don’t buy him a big gift, do something nice to show him how much you think about him, or write him a love letter…

Don’t send him a note to his work that says, “From your secret admirer”.

Don’t call him several times, without hearing from him.

And DON’T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for him.

If you want to know how he feels about you, do something to ATTRACT HIM and see how he reacts instead of telling him you love him and hearing the crickets chirp as you wait for his response.

As a rule of thumb, don’t get heavier than HIM. Use SIGNALS from him to find out how he feels…and if you don’t know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.

Asking a man if he’s interested in you in a romantic way, or if you are “his type”, will actually DESTROY the chances that his attraction and interest in you will grow.

This may sound odd at first, but if you think about what the man is perceiving (that you NEED this romantic relationship) you understand that what seems like a logical question to you translates to “neediness” or “clinginess” to him.

In my ebook I share with you the top list of things that many woman do that KILL attraction instantly. These are the UNIVERSAL things that are sure to change they way a man sees and perceive you (and not for the better).

When you read these universal “attraction killers”, like most women, you’re going to recognize some of the behaviors and quickly realize different ways you’ve been sabotaging your own relationships before they even get started.

Now to get back to our situation with the above particular guy — The SECOND answer is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.

And how does one do that?

One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.

One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION is triggered in men.

One does that by knowing what you’re doing FROM THE BEGINNING.

And what’s the best way to learn THAT skill?

I thought you’d never ask…

I’ve spent several years studying the ways that women (and men) who are “naturals” and effortlessly attract and connect in great relationships communicate using their words, voice tone and body language.

Just like the people who seem to have it easy, ANY WOMAN has the power to be MAGNETIC.

You probably already know what I’m talking about if you know any women who seem “lucky in love”… where everything involving men seems to come easily and effortlessly to them.

I’ll tell you…. it’s not magic.

You don’t have to be gorgeous or young.

And you don’t have to be LUCKY.

But what you DO have to do is LEARN.

Creating the kind of attraction and connection that makes a man undeniably “into” a woman is actually a skill. And I honestly believe that ANY woman can learn how to create this and have this kind of “success” in her love life if she wants.

But the truth is… you’re not likely to figure all this out by “trial and error”.

Some women spend their ENTIRE LIVES looking for the love, connection, and attraction that they want in their lives… and NEVER come across how to create it and experience.

Their only hope is for it to “fall into their lap” in the form of a great guy who gets it and can make it all work.

Don’t waste your time waiting…

Many of the keys to making men feel ATTRACTION, and driving them to want a real relationship with you long term aren’t “obvious” at all.

In fact, some of them make no sense and are the LAST thing you’d do in a particular situation, IF you didn’t know the SECRETS.

I’ll talk to you again soon and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Categories : Attracting Men

Christian Carter is a leading advisor to women on dating, relationships, connection and love. An expert in psychology, communication and behavior, Christian Carter has developed foundational concepts that help women understand men, dating and relationships. Visit Christian's official website, by clicking here.

One Comment

  1. Sanaa says:

    Thanks so much for this article, it is absolutely great! I loved it and enjoyed and I already learned many key things.

    By the way, the story that you mentioned in the start, seemed very familiar because it happened to me before. therefore, your description of “Strangely familiar” is 100 % true.

    Thanks again and look forward to receiving more tips and more advices about the dynamics of attraction :-)

    All the Best,
    Sanaa

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