How To Get An “Unavailable” Man To Open Up

Are you looking to experience more love, happiness and fulfillment in your love life?

Does there seem to be “something missing” from the way you and a man interact that’s either keeping you from connecting on a deeper personal and emotional level…

Or is he being RESISTANT when it comes to getting closer with you?

Then you’ve got to read the real-life story about a woman’s failures, growth, and successes with the “unavailable” man in her life.

She shares how she went from feeling frustrated and confused to learning how to feel empowered and confident… and describes exactly how she made this change.

You can use the ideas and techniques that she shares NOW to improve your love life.

First, let me ask you…

What if you could find just one good real-world idea that brought you close to that great guy that for some reason seems “unavailable” or withdraws from you?

Or what if you found a great way to turn your situation around and get back to that amazing love-filled connection you used to have when you were first together?

How is that going to happen for you?

Well, there’s a few ways in this email for you.

If you read this reader’s email, you’re likely to recognize and identify with what this woman has gone through with men in the past… and what she is dealing with right now.

And hearing about her experiences dealing with men and relationships straight “from the horse’s mouth” can help you to put the things she’s used to improve her love life to use in your own.

You’re also likely to simply FEEL BETTER about where things are for you after you read what’s going on for this woman.

PLUS, I’ll share what I see as the “deeper” psychological process behind her increased success, her new feeling of well being and her new attitude of confidence and empowerment.

So enough of my blabbering, let’s check her email out.

Dear Christian,

Well it’s about time somebody coughed up the secrets of the mind of man…LOL

I can’t tell you what a pleasure, and with great amusement, it was to read your ebook. I have been trying to ferret out for years why I get into the same situations with males I am attracted to and attract. Let me tell you it has been no easy task to make these kinds of discoveries.

I went from being entirely dismayed and at the point of giving up, thinking I was too complex for any male to understand, to the excited extreme “Aha!” zone where now I get things that are happening.

Being the dominant Aries woman with a perpetual desire for the chase, I thought men to be lame and overly freaked out by my presence and too frightened to do anything about it… they watch from afar but never approach. Begging internally for a man who could keep up, I couldn’t figure it out and was on an endless path of what does that mean, why did they do that, etc.

So this little goldmine of yours has put much straight for me, and has my head spinning with ideas.

I’ve come from the space of hating the whole dating game place to understanding that it’s not foo-foo games but rather intelligent strategy combined with proper pacing and non attachment empowered by my choices.

I recently started dating this man who after several dates suggested I find a book on rules..he was very tongue in cheek about it telling me I was way too easy and I could be taken advantage of (nice girl syndrome) - you should know I am 43 years old was married for 20 years and after 5 years of being divorced entirely clueless on how to proceed. anyway… he at first mentioned he liked having me on his priority list. But 5 days later he brought up “the talk” because he was wondering if he should have one basket or several. (women) And 3 days after that he stated he was into monogamy, but not with me in this case. This blew me away entirely. But he still called each day! He left me wondering what had taken place with us that would make him suddenly stick me into the lover category and not a long term one. (i.e. verbatim he said, “We can have lots of great sex and massages, you just don’t get papers on me.”)

I then did a search online and found your book. I immediately put into play what I read - with instant changes on his end I might add.

Now I see that what he’s done and said has been to help him stay emotionally protected, and that he sees me just as a “lover” like you talked about.

Now the fun for me here is to implement these things and see if it changes his perspective or not. In the meantime, I’m open to practicing on others I’m interested in until I get this right!

Thank you!!


You go girl!

OK, back to the matter at hand.

There are so many AWESOME things going on in this email that I want to talk about, and that I know are going to start happening for this woman in the near future…

One of the most important things here is what I think of as your “mindset”.

I know it sounds a little silly and “new agey”, but the truth is that your attitude or mindset can help you naturally become more successful with experiencing connection, fulfillment, and building something that’s meaningful and lasting with a man… WITHOUT having to do more “work” just to get there.

If you haven’t recognized it in the people and the world around you yet, ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING.

This woman who wrote to me and the transformation she’s going through touches on this idea and how it works…

But she didn’t share a lot about how she got to this new place she’s in, what the process is like, and what she’s specifically doing differently now.

In other words, the “How-To’s” and the techniques.

That’s where I want to fill in some gaps for you right now…

The Fatal Mistake Of Handing Over The Responsibility of Creating Your Perfect Love Life To A Clueless Man…

I’m going to get “geeky” with you for a second.

I’ve realized something important recently.

After spending tons of time thinking about how men and women experience love and relationships differently, and reading hundreds of books and articles on how the human mind works and our “inner-psychology”, I’ve come across something fascinating.

Each of us has a system of beliefs or “maps” of the world that we use to organize our experience and make meaning out of what happens around us.

I believe that lots of women have a unique set of these beliefs that I call their “Emotional Love Map”.

It’s really just a fancy name for the pictures and expectations in your mind that create the beliefs about how your love life and relationship should look and FEEL.

Here’s where it gets really interesting…

Men and their natural or default “emotional states” can quickly make women feel frustrated and hopeless about finding true and lasting love in their life.


Because a lot of the behavior, communication and beliefs that men have don’t match up with the “Emotional Love Map” of the woman that they’re with.

Seeing this has helped me see something I never understood before as a man.

There’s something I know tons of women are probably dying to scream out from inside.

If I were them, I’d want to stand on the tallest mountain and yell it out.

That’s probably why I hear it from tons of women I meet and talk to.

I heard it again just 4 nights ago when I was out to dinner at a great restaurant here in Los Angeles and I struck up a conversation with a woman at the bar as I was waiting for my friend.

It goes something like this…

“I’m tired of doing all the work! Shouldn’t the man take responsibility for his issues and fix them himself? We women are doing all the heavy lifting since we’re the ones who are emotionally together.”

Let’s get the logical answer to this out of the way so we can move on to things that actually matter and will actually do real things to improve your love life.


Men SHOULD take responsibility, learn and grow like most women do.

But if you’re reading this, then odds are that the men in your life haven’t, don’t, and have no immediate plans to get it together anytime soon.

Our strong Aries reader who wrote in really “gets” this concept now and it’s doing all kinds of great things for her attitude, her feelings, and the results she’s getting with the unavailable guy in her life.

But she probably wouldn’t be open to learning and trying new things she’s learning and observing if she hadn’t had the “psychological shift” of taking responsibility for her own love life.

And best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

1 comment so far ↓

#1 My Ghillie » How To Get An “Unavailable” Man To Open Up on 10.31.07 at 7:14 pm

[…] Check it out! While looking through the blogosphere we stumbled on an interesting post today.Here’s a quick excerptI’ve come from the space of hating the whole dating game place to understanding that it’s not foo-foo games but rather intelligent strategy combined with proper pacing and non attachment empowered by my choices. … […]

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