Stop Screwing Up “New Relationships”

Written by Christian Carter |  No Comment

Something crazy happened the other day…

A friend of mine was dating an amazing woman he had recently met, and things were going great.

They had gone out 5 or 6 times and couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

They both felt a strong level of attraction and chemistry with each other that told them this wasn’t just another thing.

And my friend kept telling me how great this woman was after every date-

“She’s just the coolest woman I’ve ever met. She’s fun, she’s sexy, and we have such an incredible time together.”

I could see his interest in her was growing, and it was clear this was going somewhere in his mind. This guy didn’t usually talk or act this way about women he dated.

It looked like this was more than two people “dating”. It was becoming a “real relationship”.

But then something happened…

I didn’t hear from him for a few days, and I gave him a call.

As soon as he picked up the phone I could hear something was different in his voice.

He didn’t have the same energy and excitement that I’d been hearing lately.

I asked him, “So what’s going on?”

Reluctantly he told me-

“You remember that great woman I was dating?”

“Yeah”, I said.

“Well, I should have seen it coming. I finally found out that she’s crazy.”

And with that, it was absolutely clear that my friend was 100% OVER this woman.

Not 2 days ago he was falling for her and she could do no wrong.

In fact, the thought of her being “the one” might have even crossed his mind.

But in a matter of moments he had gone from passionate and excited to be with this woman to absolutely, positively sure that she would never be the kind of woman he wanted to stay with.

How did that happen?

So how does a man go from into a woman and thinking she might be “the one”, to suddenly WITHDRAWING because he sees her as “crazy”.

Even though she’s the same great woman he used to be so wild about moments before.

Well, I’ll tell you.

Have you ever heard a man you know – a guy friend, a brother, whoever – talk about how a certain woman is “crazy”?

It’s a common word among men… and if you’ve heard how men use this word, then I don’t have to tell you how men use it as a kind of short-hand.

When a guy says a woman who he was dating turned out to be “crazy”… every other guy who hears this knows what this means about the woman without having to ask.

In fact, without having ever talked about it directly, all men speak this kind of “guy code” about women when it comes to what it means if a woman is “crazy”.

All men have what I think of as a highly tuned “crazy” radar system when it comes to women and dating that signals a warning at the slightest hint of what they perceive as “crazy” behavior.

And what’s more fascinating is that all men have the exact same RESPONSE when they get a hint in their mind that a woman they’re dating is acting “crazy” – they WITHDRAW.

The truth is… no matter how amazing a woman seems, and no matter how incredible the time has been that a man’s spent with a woman, if a woman shows up and does anything that makes him see some of those “crazy” qualities, then EVERYTHING ELSE goes right out the window.

It’s as though nothing else ever happened in a man’s mind… and all he can see are the bad things he’s afraid might be there inside a woman.

Now, I know it’s not very “nice” to say and talk about a silly stereotype about women in general that isn’t true, or very mature to use.

But here’s the thing…

This is THE REALITY of HOW MOST MEN THINK about women when dating, for better or worse.

So why do so many men think this way about women and dating? And what can you do about it?

Here are 2 things you need to know:

1) Men “Date” Without A Relationship In Mind

Do you ever get frustrated that you can go out with a man and have an incredible time together, and maybe even go out on a few dates… and then he’ll simply stop calling and act as though there was never anything there between you?

Or have you ever had a man spend lots of time with you, beg for your time and attention, and then once he gets to be with you he suddenly turns on a dime and tells you how he’s not ready for a serious relationship?

Frustrating, right?

But what do all these things have in common?

They all are examples of how men don’t think of “dating” the way you do.

Men can spend time with a woman, be physical with her, and connect with her on a certain emotional level… and still not have any real desire for a relationship.

This in of itself isn’t a “revelation”.

Here’s what is…

There’s a “danger” to feeling that strong CONNECTION with a man.

The “Danger Of The Connection” you feel with a man is that all the things you think, feel and experience with him will tell you inside with certainty that this is something REAL.

The beginnings of an amazing RELATIONSHIP.

But the reality for a man is that feeling and experiencing this connection with you has VERY LITTLE to do with whether or not he will want a relationship with you.

In his mind, the feelings he shares with you are simply part of him “dating” you and spending time with you… and have nothing to do with him thinking about or wanting to COMMIT to anything with you.

2) Mature And Immature Men Can Be “Scared Off” By Women Who Show “Crazy Signals”

I wish it wasn’t so… but men can see the EMOTIONS you share with him as very bad things. Even when your INTENTION is good.

If you’re concerned about your relationship with a man, and you want to help things along by talking to him about it… often times the very same emotions that you feel because you want things to be better are the same emotions that will have him see you as “crazy” and want to get away from you as quickly as possible.

Sure, it would be great if men weren’t so quick to respond to your emotions in this kind of way… but then guess what?

Then they also wouldn’t be so quick to respond to your emotions in POSITIVE ways either.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Categories : Keeping Men Around

Christian Carter is a leading advisor to women on dating, relationships, connection and love. An expert in psychology, communication and behavior, Christian Carter has developed foundational concepts that help women understand men, dating and relationships. Visit Christian's official website, by clicking here.

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