Creating Intense Attraction With A Man

Written by Christian Carter |  12 Comments
Attraction With A Man

I’d like to tell you a story…

It’s a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don’t be alarmed.

Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very attracted to a particular man, he had the Adonis Effect.

At first, he was just another attractive man… but the more she got to know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him… and the more time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for him.

But there was one problem.

As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure.


Because she couldn’t tell whether or not he felt the same way towards her.

Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past the “friendship” stage.

There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him… and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional, and invited her “inside” for a little while.

But something was wrong with the picture.

He just wasn’t acting like a man who was “falling in love”. He was acting like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would be.

And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.

The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that amplified itself… and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing things up” or “scaring him off”, by starting conversations or asking him if he was interested in her and why he didn’t ask her out.

Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to spend with her.

After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how SHE FELT, that he would feel the same way.

So she made a bold move.

She TOLD HIM how she felt.

She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.

He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed and held each other.

But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn’t call her and wasn’t really “available” to her.

This only confused the woman more.

She didn’t know how to take it…

Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?

Did it mean that he wasn’t ready for a long-term relationship?

Did it mean that he didn’t love her, and that he was trying to give her a hint?

Did it mean that she hadn’t tried hard enough?

Did it mean that she needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let him know how she felt?

She finally decided that she couldn’t go on like this anymore… she had to be with him.

She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with him… so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter… again confessing her feelings.

And then, something unthinkable happened.

Either he didn’t reply at all… (Ouch!)

Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical level for a brief time, but then he backed away.

Then she called him a couple of times the following week before reaching him.

He made an excuse about being very busy and said, “I’ll try to give you a call soon, I have to go”… and hung up… but she never got a call back.

Over the following months, the woman tried desperately to understand what went wrong… and what happened.


OK, I’m back.

Now, wasn’t that a sweet story?

Heartwarming, huh?

I know… I should keep my day job, and not take up writing romance novels….

Now, let’s talk about that story.

That story is basically a MYTH.

But I’m not talking about FICTION here.

I’m talking about a story that rings true for lots of women. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level, because you can IDENTIFY with it.

And why does this particular story resonate for some women?

Because lots of women have been there in one way or another… at one time or another… and many have been there OFTEN in their lives.

Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs as a result of the powerful negative experiences it brings back.

Stories and situations like this one really FASCINATE me.

They fascinate me because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND the puzzles about men, women and how we behave with each other.

In this particular situation, I think there is something important for a woman to know…

It lies in understanding a SECRET that lots of women DON’T get.

That secret comes down to the reality that if a man isn’t ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her attempts to share a connection, convince him to like her, and to feel and share love, will BACKFIRE.

In other words, they not only DON’T WORK- they can actually make things WORSE.

In other words, the very things that a woman does to try to make a man LIKE HER, make him NOT like her.

They make him run.

Even though a woman might have nothing but the most loving and positive emotional intentions in the long run, these actually cause the woman feeling them to do things that make the man pull away… and sometimes for good.

It sucks, doesn’t it?

Why does it have to be so hard, right?

But it’s a strangely common dynamic that most men and women really aren’t aware of and don’t understand, even though they’re playing it out.

Hopefully, by explaining the process of how this happens to you, I’ll help you avoid this painful and frustrating situation in your own future…

And maybe you can start to understand what’s going on a little better, if you think about what it’s like when a man you’re NOT attracted to desperately wants your attention, affection and your time.

Have you ever had a guy pursue you?

You know, when a guy asks for your number and maybe you feel awkward turning him down, so you relent.

And then he calls…

As he’s trying to get your attention, approval and affection, all of his pleading and efforts just seem to bug you more and make you want to get away.

Even if all he’s doing is telling you great things about yourself and how he feels about you.

He just wants a deeper connection too.

But does it make you feel the same way that he does, just because he feels it and knows it’s so “real?”

Strange and interesting….

Choices And The Paradox Of Attraction

I’m always fascinated by the idea that we humans don’t always understand the message that we’re communicating to others…

So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we’re trying to say.

Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over- the-top sexy/cheap and wears way too much make-up?

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don’t think that her appearance is communicating the message to men that she thinks it is”…?

Yeah, I have too.

Well, here’s the deal:

If you do something to “let a man know how you feel” but he isn’t open to the situation at that time, or he’s not in the right place/right time to hear it, or most importantly – he isn’t ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to backfire.

Yep… It’s actually going to trigger a feeling of discomfort and disinterest in the man.

And this is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.

Once a man feels it, he’ll start behaving differently.

In short, he’ll back off, withdraw, or even disappear.

So what causes this?

And why would a man react this way towards a woman who was trying to be nice… a woman who was giving him her time, compliments, attention, or telling him how she feels affection for him?

Because if you think about it from HIS perspective, you’ll realize that the moment you do something to “confess”, you’ve created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.

Up until that point, you were harmless.

I mean, men know when they are getting some “special attention” from a woman and can sense it.

But now that you’ve started pursuing him and talking about how you feel, you’ve passively posed
several questions that can create NEGATIVE

“How do you feel about me?”


“Do you want to be with me?”

You’ve triggered an emotion that can actually repel a man and make him even more detached from his emotions.

Here’s the thing…

You can’t “make a man like you” or change how he feels about you by doing nice things for him.

Doing “nice” things for a man who isn’t attracted to you, HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the feeling that you’re trying to bribe him because you don’t think he would just like you for you.

Men are the worst at this, by the way.

They make this mistake over and over again in life because they’re doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They’re doing it because they don’t have an understanding of ATTRACTION.

If you have any guy friends, brothers, etc. in your life who are clueless when it comes to women, then you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.

When they’re really “into” a woman and they want things to go somewhere or progress, and maybe the woman’s not feeling it for him so much, what does he do?

Usually a lot of things that communicate, “Hey, I think you’re way more valuable, important and higher status than I am… Maybe one day if I give you enough compliments and gifts you’ll start to like me.”

But let me clarify here so you really get it…

If you have a FRIEND (man or woman) and you like them, and you want to make them like you more, then when you do some nice things for them, they will probably actually like and appreciate you more. As a friend.

On the other hand…

If you have a man that you “like” in a romantic way, and he doesn’t “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for him because you want HIM to like you more, it will BACKFIRE… and he will not only NOT like you more, but he will most likely distance himself from you.

Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man… as if that’s part of the necessary process of getting a guy.

In their minds, it goes like this:

Like him>Tell him you like him>He likes you

If you follow this pattern with men who aren’t already FEELING much ATTRACTION or CONNECTION with you, then it’s probably going to BACKFIRE.

If he’s not into you, then it goes like THIS:

He thinks of you as a friend>You tell him you like him>He gets that “yikes” feeling and withdraws…


There are really TWO answers to this problem.

The first answer is what to do if you’re in a situation where you like a particular guy, but you don’t know if he likes you back.


Don’t buy him a big gift, do something nice to show him how much you think about him, or write him a love letter…

Don’t send him a note to his work that says, “From your secret admirer”.

Don’t call him several times, without hearing from him.


If you want to know how he feels about you, do something to ATTRACT HIM and see how he reacts instead of telling him you love him and hearing the crickets chirp as you wait for his response.

As a rule of thumb, don’t get heavier than HIM. Use SIGNALS from him to find out how he feels… and if you don’t know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.

Asking a man if he’s interested in you in a romantic way, or if you are “his type”, will actually DESTROY the chances that his attraction and interest in you will grow.


The SECOND answer is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.

And how does one do that?

One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.

One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION is triggered in men.

One does that by knowing what you’re doing FROM THE BEGINNING.

And what’s the best way to learn THAT skill?

I thought you’d never ask…

Well, I’ve written about attraction before and I’ll write about it again.

In my program, I talk about the very best ways to learn EXACTLY HOW TO MAKE A MAN FEEL ATTRACTION for you.

Notice that I said FEEL attraction for, not talk about attraction with you.


But there’s more to men and dating than just attraction and chemistry, right?

Well, above and beyond the meeting and attracting men “stuff”, in my ebook I also talk about how attraction, communication, psychology and emotions all play into the longer term “stuff” to create a solid foundation for a lasting relationship.

Wouldn’t it be great if you knew exactly how to attract a man for a REAL and LASTING connection and relationship from the start?

Then you could save yourself from those wasted months and years that you might have already spent with guys who don’t really get emotionally involved, invested and connected with you.

In my eBook, I go deep inside the mind of men to tell you the secrets and truths that lots of women will never know about how to create lasting attraction and have him LEADING YOU into a committed relationship.

The eBook is called “Catch Him And Keep Him“.

I’ve spent several years now, studying the ways that women (and men) who are “naturals”, communicate using their words, voice tone and body language.

The way they integrate all these, makes them MAGNETIC to be around. And you probably know what I’m talking about if you know any women who seem “lucky in love”. Where everything involving men seems to come easily and effortlessly to them.

And I’ll tell you… it’s not magic.

You don’t have to be gorgeous or young.

And you don’t have to be LUCKY.

What you DO have to do is LEARN.

It’s a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY woman can learn it if she wants.

But you’re not likely to figure it out by “trial and error”. Many of the keys to making men feel ATTRACTION and want to be around you for the long-term, aren’t “obvious” at all.

In fact, many of them make no sense… and they’re the LAST thing you’d do in a particular situation, IF you didn’t know the SECRETS.

For more about these secrets, go check out my eBook.

It’s jam-packed with insights, concepts, tips and secrets.

Go here to check it out:

Thanks and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Categories : Understanding Men

Christian Carter is a leading advisor to women on dating, relationships, connection and love. An expert in psychology, communication and behavior, Christian Carter has developed foundational concepts that help women understand men, dating and relationships. Visit Christian's official website, by clicking here.


  1. catherine otondo says:


    i have your e-book and just wish there was one package price for everything ! Am I missing any combined pricing ?

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  2. sharna says:

    this book is amazing.when I started dating this guy,i did everything the book told me to.I acted more “never-minded” than i did when i was in other relationships.I had my own friends & my own life.I just let things “go-with-the-flow” instead of wanting to know where this relationship was heading.We ‘did’ more & “spoke” less,(yet we had a wonderful communication).He loved what he “felt” when h was with me.Strangely enough,this is what attrated me to him we are going out for over a year,(& still going strong).Thanx so much Christian

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  3. jennifer says:

    I would like to buy the book, but I am not sure if I have understood well. Do I have to only pay once to have the complete book? or will I have to pay the next months the same amount for the continuation of the book. I am only interested in the book, not in the interviews. Thank you.

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  4. Michele says:

    You will only be charged once for the book. However pay attention to the screens before paying, as they do offer to send you the interview series. If you don’t want it you must UNcheck the box for that option, as the page loads with a check mark in the box. I ordered the book many months ago and was only charged once, and I unchecked the box for the interview series and was not sent them or charged for them

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  5. A Guy says:

    Haha, my comment is awaiting moderation. So much for that. I gotta give you credit though Christian. You have a good idea here. I guess if it works…who am I to stop you? lol Have a good one.

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  6. hadeer says:

    I’d like to get the e-book but it’s so expensive, so who could help me and send it or even the chapter of natural attraction? plz anybody help, I’m 51 years old and sill Not married

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  7. Diana says:

    Christian Carter is brilliant and a God send for women! His materials are very clear, concise and practical and give you crucial information and perspective to understand the truth about all the critical issues that come up in a relationship that drive us women nuts. But he goes even further and gives us a real “how to” guide concerning how to deal with the real life problems that commonly come up in a relationship. In his writing and his audio/dvd programs it is quickly evident that his purpose is to really help us women out of all the pain that sometimes goes on in the world of relationships and that he very deeply cares. None of his materials are scam superficial scruff just to make money but the real deal. The only thing I have trouble with is how expensive some of the CD/Dvd sets are; if I could I would buy up every one.

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  8. sasha says:

    cristian i need to ask you few questions so can u plz reply to my email… im ingaged now to the 1 i love but when we ingaged he start to be different and fetching for anything to make a fight on it,,, i need to tell u everything about me and him and plz reply me what shell i do

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  9. Tim Lewis says:

    I am a straight guy and am actually curious to know what gives guys that ‘one-itis teenage crush’ feeling and not just the ‘she’s fit’ feeling.
    I know the she’s fit feeling is triggered mostly by looks. I am also curious to what gives some guys a really strong attachment to some women they’re not even involved with! I am drawn to playful women with a mischievous smile – the cutesy type. I would get annoyed by the high maintenance type and the ‘why don’t you want commitment type.’
    The above story is very similar to the one from David Deangelo about men attracting women.

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  10. rob i fucked up says:

    i lost the best thing it was all about chilling and take it as it comes whilst getting onwith you own life xxxxxxxx

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  11. Lisa says:

    Ok so have done all that – it works – fantastic – I have a guy who is lovely – totally mad about me – declares he loves me and wants to marry me totally committed and devoted and secure in his job and his life , follows through with actions not just words ………………………..I don’t know if I love him and want to be with him … one talks about what you do when that happens – hmmmm ……

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  12. June says:

    “It’s a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don’t be alarmed.”

    Why do you talk down to women like that?

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